I was but a lad of nine

At Bedford Church school in Leigh

The year was 1958

And I entered a contest to pee

The bet was who could pee highest

By aiming the wee up the wall

Of the schoolyards outside lavy

It stood over six foot tall

So me and my buddy called Kenny

We drank lots of water and pop

And entered the loo in the schoolyard

To see who could pee to the top

With me dong in me hand I was ready

Then a powerful surge splashed so quick

Three-quarters way up the brickwork

Went the stream from the end of me dick

He’ll never beat that I imagined

It went higher than I was you see

I had power those days in me water

I really was proud of that pee

But Kenny just whipped out his tackle

A little bit longer than mine

Then he gripped all the skin at the ending

And filled it right up with urine

His knob looked like it was bursting

Then he shot a jet high I recall

In fact it was so bloody powerful

He pissed right over the wall

Now as luck would have it that lunch time

The headmistress was walking by

And caught a face full of Ken’s piddle

‘You dirty young boy!’ she did cry

Now Ken was a crafty, fit fellow

He lost not a moment to flee

By climbing up onto the bike sheds

Abandoning poor little me

‘Come out you nasty young person’

The headmistress stood by the wall

There was only me left in the lavy

And I got the blame for it all

‘You filthy, horrible creature

The dirtiest child in the school’

The headmistress told all the teachers

And I felt a proper young fool

I never did split on me buddy

And lived with the shame of it all

But the thing that really has bugged me

I couldn’t piss over that wall.

(c) John G. Sutton 2002

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