FUNNY GIRL

By

John G. Sutton

I met Ruth in a boozer

One dark enchanted night

Too many pints of bitter

Feeling very tight

Took her back to my place

Could hardly find the door

Staggered round the living room

Hughied on the floor

She said I was disgusting

When I exposed my pudenda

And kneed me in the goolies

When I tried to table-end her

I offered her some curry

Last nights take-away

It was just a little crusty

But really quite OK

This lady not, amused

Had another idea

She asked me to undress

And pointed to my rear

Now my head was really spinning

The effect of too much booze

But I thought ‘what the hell

I have nothing to lose’

Minus me shreddies

She pulled me to bed

Turned me over

And gripped me by the head

She was a powerful woman

She filled me with fear

And her honeymoon equipment

Was decidedly queer

Next morning she had vanished

Into the noon day sun

Lipstick on the mirror

Said I was a bum

Now all I have are memories

Nightmares, tell the truth

Of a night on the tiles

With a funny girl called Ruth.

(c) John G. Sutton 1998

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